My Thanksgiving fits the mold fairly well. This year, we went up to New York, which is where the vast majority of my family lives. We had the stereotypical large turkey in the middle of the table, with side dishes surrounding it. It's making m hungry just thinking about it. Anyway, most of my Thanksgivings have been fairly uneventful, so there isn’t really a most memorable moment. All of them are equally forgettable. So, I’ll just start talking about what food we had this year. This year, we had a pretty big turkey. I mean, this thing took up almost half of the table. In addition, we had a pretty big bowl of mashed potatoes. This bowl was big enough for you to drown a small animal in. Speaking of small animals, my uncle also brought some rabbit that he had shot earlier. I don’t know why though, I guess my family is just odd like that.

Thanksgiving

My thanksgiving is pretty stereotypical. Most of my family comes over to my house to spend the holiday. My dad gets up pretty early and starts cooking, he pretty much does it all. Somewhat opposite of most families where the mom does the cooking, my mom doesn't do anything. He cooks a turkey and a ham along with a whole lot of other stuff. My sister used to help but I guess she outgrew the tradition and I help with the occasional side dish. What I usually get stuck doing is making the fruit salad, deviled eggs, broccoli casserole, along with whatever else I am needed to do. When my dad finally gets done cooking, usually around two or three, we all get together and eat. Nothing too exciting but its always fun. Then me and my sister have a tradition of going black Friday shopping and this year we took it to the extreme by going at midnight when all of the crazies were out. It was fun but I didn't go to bed until 11, that was a longgg day for me but I would say it was worth it and it made for some good memories.

Easter Sunday

Every year in honor of Thanksgiving my family finds a Native American family and kicks them out of their house so we can live in it and call it ours. We in the Gross house strongly believe in reinacting history as a celebration for that holiday. For Christmas my mom delivers a baby boy in someone's barn and makes my brothers and I walk the state of Kentucky to bring him gifts that he won't use as a baby. If you don't believe me, then great job because none of this is true. My normal Thanksgiving is a normal Thanksgiving where the entire family comes over to sit around a table and make comments about how I won't eat turkey. I myself do not enjoy this terrible food and for some reason, no one in my family can live with that fact. I usually have 5 or 6 rolls with dinner while everyone stares at me with astonishment. For this reason, I don't really enjoy Thanksgiving. Every year Thanksgiving is pretty much the same boring event for me so I don't really have a WONDERFUL memory of it. Although one time after being forced to shove turkey down my throat we did go see a James Bond movie in theatres so I guess that was pretty cool.

Thanksgiving

My Thanksgiving is spent at any one of our relatives houses, including my own, with several other relatives and friends, changing every year. There is always a turkey, there is always country ham, there is always Ale-8, and there is always pumpkin pie. Aside from the ground rules, each house does it a bit differently. At my house, we always have a turkey-shaped butter, from which I always receive the head. We all sit around the dining table in my kitchen, say a prayer, and then feast.

Thanksgiving

My thanksgiving is at least 30 people together in my grandma's small house in Louisville, spread out between three to four tables. There's the adult table, the big kids table(s), and the little kid table. No matter how old we get, we are forever stuck in our eating positions because there are just way too many of us. Each family brings something, turkey, potatoes, stuffing, etc. We especially love my mom's corn pudding... Anyways, it's like a potluck dinner complete with paper plates and plastic cups. Half the time the kids all watch football during the meal which really isn't a dinner since it starts around 1 or 2:00.
Thanksgiving with the Duffy's isn't a formal affair. It's just a bunch of people enjoying large amounts of food together and I can't imagine it any other way. My favorite Thanksgiving memories are my dad asking my uncle to throw him a roll and my uncle not even hesitating and throwing said roll like a baseball.... Our tradition of saying what you're thankful for that started when my uncle used to record all of our family get togethers, and just the people and food in general. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, seconded only by Christmas.

Oh Yes, We Celebrate It Also.

Thanksgivings in the Ramakrishnan household are typically nothing to write home about. Every year, my mom spends a measly forty five minutes in the kitchen preparing the same menu. First is the store bought macaroni and cheese, and each year it's consistency seems to get more disgusting. Following that are the instant mashed potatoes that are practically a potato flavored eucalyptus rub. Then comes the only decent part of the meal, the frozen vegetables. "They lack flavor, but not color." as my old man says. Finally is the pie. The pie is absolutely atrocious. In all honesty, I don't really even believe it is pie. The filling lacks a smoothness that always renders it to be reminiscent of mucus. The apples are practically raw, taste of lye, and are too far and few between. And then we get to the crust. I'm no food scientist, or historian for that matter, nor do I plan to be. But, I figure that pies have been around for quite sometime now. I'd even go as far to say that pies have existed for about two centuries. That being said, it bothers me that after two centuries of pie baking, people are still unable to perfect the most basic part of any pie. The crust. I'm being the most honest I have ever been in my life when I say that I would rather sell one of my kidneys on the black market than bite into the crust of my mom's Apple pie. In all seriousness, I'm surprised the military hasn't been using her pie crust as material for bullet proof vests. Oh, and turkey? Nonsense! Who would eat turkey on Thanksgiving? Not my family. We could never tolerate such tomfoolery regarding our meals! Now, I can only imagine what your thinking. "It's Thanksgiving, stop dwelling on the negative aspects of the day and consider what your thankful for." Listen. Hardly am I ever the pessimist in any situation. In fact, I get berated by my friends for being overly optimistic. But ask yourself this: Is there really much to be thankful for while sitting at a dimly lit dinner table, eating matter that hardly constitutes as food, while getting berated for not wanting to become a doctor by your immigrant parents? And with that, I leave you.

Thanksgiving

My Thanksgivings are actually fairly normal, surprisingly. I usually celebrate it with my mom's side of the family, but getting together is always a hassle. Getting people to come from Toronto, Indianapolis, Atlanta and Lexington can get pretty hectic. So we take turns hosting. For a bunch of foreigners, we actually do a good job with the traditional Thanksgiving food, too. Sometimes we throw in a curry here and there but hey, it happens. The only part of the dinner that deviates is probably the timing. Most people have it early, but we, taking it very literally, enjoy it as a dinner. And even then, a late dinner. For instance, this year's happened at like 8 PM. Yeah, there was quite an overlap with the digestion and the start of the Black Friday shopping. I love Thanksgiving as a holiday because, well, it's probably the only American holiday that my parents are comfortable celebrating. Plus when you're as small as me, a bit of extra food is always nice.

Thanksgiving Memories

The Thanksgivings of years past have been fairly uneventful. Everyone packed into the dining room, food spread out all over the counter, my grandma still rushing to finish everything she started cooking a few days prior. This year, my grandma wished that she could have the dinner somewhere else because more of our family showed up. Of course, I got to be the babysitter for my younger cousins, and keep all of them out of my room. Believe me, it was not an easy task to accomplish. Quite unfortunately, even though we had more people than usual, too much food was cooked (as always). I just want all of that food gone. The cherry pie, turkey, and everything else you could think of is somehow stuffed in the refrigerator. I never want to see any of that food ever again. Although the food was good at the time, the best part of Thanksgiving at my house this year was being able to see both of my great-grandmothers. I hadn't seen one of them, the older one (She's 95 and has Alzheimer's) for a few months, and I was delightfully surprised to see her. She was having one of her better days, and I was glad that I could have a decent conversation with her this time.

Turkeh

My days of giving thanks are not days of giving thanks. They are more along the lines of “days of the eating of vibrant amounts of food and awkward family gatherings”. They are days where my self-induced near nuclear family join together to eat a meal. And then we hope nothing causes any problems throughout the day. We typically go to the glass garden down at the hotel by Rupp arena for the meal. They changed their name recently, but it escapes me currently. We sit and chat, stuffing our faces with stuffing, turkey, and the likes. We compliment the sweet potatoes. We ALWAYS compliment the sweet potatoes. And then we’re done. We all get in our cars and head home. No thanks were given, only money spent on extravagant amounts of food.

Not to say I don’t give thanks. I’m glad I have all the opportunities I’ve been given. However, the holiday isn’t a reason I give my thanks. It’s because it’s the right thing to do.

Heritage

I think Thanksgiving boils over with heritage (like my sister's something-or-other-that-pertains-to-mashed-potatos always boils over).  We celebrate the holiday three times in my family (Mom's side the Saturday/Sunday before, immediate family on Thursday, Dad's side the Saturday after), and each even brings a little something unique.

My aunts, uncles, cousins, and cousin's children fill Anderson Thanksgiving with a little bit of crazy, indicative of the overall heritage that I'll carry with me from that branch of my family tree as I move forward in life.  We run around with my seven-year-old cousin, play games with my cousin's baby, and chat it out with my closest cousins, while my mom and her two sisters laugh and goof-off in the kitchen.

Early Thanksgiving feels quieter, more conversational.  Sure, with a ten-year-old and twelve-year-old pair of siblings, we have a good Nerf war or hopscotch competition (my creation), but all-in-all the difference in noise level between 11 people on the Early side and the 20 attendees on my mom's side is appaulling.  And nestled into the Early side, you find docility, gentleness, support.  These characteristics - along with the genealogy records and antique sewing machine that I brought home yesterday - shape the heritage from this side of the family.

From my immediate family, I draw uniqueness, newness, forward-thinking, as we spend the day cooking up new (in some cases healthier) Thanksgiving dishes, going for a walk in the Arboretum, and putting up Christmas decorations.  From that heritage, I feel comfortable in my vegetarianism while owning my Southern blood.  Our family's a mash-up of tradition and innovation, and THAT more than anything will travel with me as I go to college and ultimately move to start my own family.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Tons and tons of endless delicious food brings warmth and joy to the entire family. I usually travel to Ohio to visit my grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncle along with couple cousins. They all live in the same house, so it's an even bigger pow wow when I arrive. My grandma and aunts don't make turkey, but they take note of the occasion and serve up something special. This year it was shark fin soup, which is alright. But last year, they made an enormous pot of pho (a Vietnamese soup so good it cures all sadness and depression). I had four bowls in one day. We also went to a party where my dad reunited with his cousins, so that was a bonus for him. Typically we go shopping on one day of the weekend, just to browse and get some out of the house. We're not die hard Black Friday shoppers, but the sales do sometimes grab our attention. Overall, we view Thanksgiving as a time when we can all spend time together.

Thanksgiving

My thanksgiving varies every year. Last year we went to my grandmothers house in Florida. But generally we go somewhere in Kentucky because thats where most of my dad's family live. We sometimes go to my grandparent's house in louisville with all of my cousins. This year, however, all of my family came to my house for thanksgiving. My grandma flew in from Florida last week and stayed until today. My cousins who live in North Carolina, who I havent seen in five years, drove into lousiville this week. They, and my cousins from louisville and my aunts and uncles and grandparents came over to my house for thanksgiving. It was a little awkward but very joyous holiday. It doesnt have a specific look. We had the traditional thanksgiving I suppose, with the turkey and whatnot. The most wonderful memory of the holiday was having my brother and sister and cousins to hang out with because that very rarely occurs and its always a good time when it does

my thanksgiving has.... food

Sadly, the simularities from one year to the next end there. Where i am, what the food is, who im with, it all changes almost every year. this year, my mother invited a couple of her siblings and her dad, of course, only one of my uncles, my aunt, one cousin and my grandfather actually showed up. due to even more complicated issues in my family, i havn't seen my cousin or my aunt since sixth grade, and theyre half asian, which is cool.
now, this is absurdly rambly this time around, and i apologize. but lifes a little wierd right now, and im just thankful to be with my family. my moms didnt fight for an entire day, i could handle my grampa for the first time since april, and i kindled a rather warm relationship with both my aunt and my cousin. and best of all, i didnt have to eat any of that tofurky crap because my mom isnt trying to be a vegetarian anymore.
so the bottem line is, this was the best thanksgiving i can ever recall having, and it's just a nice warm feeling.

Beans, Beans, and More Beans

I have a vegetarian uncle - and my grandparents still aren't used to it. That means that any meal includes an obnoxious amount of vegetarian options - like beans. We once had a meal featuring Lima beans, pinto beans, green beans, black-eyed beans, and a chickpea-based (not exactly beans, but they're close) soup. That's a lot of beans! I think my grandma has started to see how she can incorporate more and more into every family event. Thanksgiving is probably the only family gathering that we're safe from the bean-mania, because we host it at our house. I did not eat one kind of bean yesterday. I noticed it, made a silent cheer to myself, and went about my normal starch-filled business. After lunch we did our regular wii-playing craziness and then half the family left. It was then that my cousins went and got this card game that they brought for everyone to play. And guess what it was about? Beans!

"One day I saw a dead kangaroo on the side of the road."

When I hear the word ‘thanksgiving’, two completely different images appear in my mind. Both my maternal and paternal grandparents live in Lexington, so we celebrate with both sides. With my maternal grandparents, we always celebrate on the Sunday before the actual Thanksgiving. This celebration involves a large amount of extended family that I only see once a year. We eat delicious food and have a good time catching up on what has happened in the last year. But the real Thanksgiving happens with my paternal grandparents. On the actual day of Thanksgiving, we go over to my grandparent’s house around one or two for lunch. My Granny is the best cook ever. She is where I learned the majority of my cooking and baking skills and she will always be my culinary inspiration. After we are done eating, my family, my grandparents, and my uncle’s family read all of the Black Friday Ads together. Once we have digested all of our food, we bring out the board games. This year the game of choice was Sequence. While we sit and talk and play games, my grandma makes dinner for everyone - whatever you want, she will make it. Yeah, she cooks two giant meals in one day all my herself. She’s amazing. After we eat dinner, we watch football and Christmas movies. We just left her house a few minutes ago during a commercial break in Elf. I love both sides of my family so much, and this has been one of the best Thanksgivings that I have ever had.

PS - I get up before the rest of my family every year so that I can watch the whole Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Assignment 14:Flying Turkeys

The stock image Thanksgiving involves a lot of people around a nicely decorated table with a large turkey and a ridiculous amount of extra food. This image doesn't always depict the reality of the holiday though.

What does your Thanksgiving look like? Do you enjoy the holiday? What is your strangest or most wonderful memory of the holiday?

Minimum of 150 words - due Sunday, November 27 at 11:59 pm

The first step to this process is to begin as if you are actually going to say something smart am intelligent. Act like you're trying to say something worth listening to. Then, as soon as you're about to get to the point where you actually have to start explaining something, go off on a tangent. Do anything, tell jokes, repeat yourself, tell jokes. Anything to pad your word length and just get whoever is grading it to just throw up their hands in disgust and walk away. If you achieve that, then you have won the game. Unless the game is up. Then tree was no game to win. But if it's not win or lose but how you play the game, then why do we keep score? Oh, and by the way, Ian:1 Blog:0. However, that score is still not good enough. Also, I'm on my phone, so I don't have a word count. So I'm going to keep rambling for a few more sentences. Or I might just get lazy and give up. But, as Napoleon said "impossible is a word found only in the dictionary of fools". So, hopefully that quote took me over the one hundred and fifty word limit. So, I'm going to turn this in before it gets to midnight. Stay classy San Diego.

How to forget to do your blog

Well it's surprising how easy this is really. All you have to do is have a heck of a crazy week in preparation for KYA. The worst is when you remind yourself around Wednesday to do the blog on Saturday and make sure to not order to do it. You must overcome this and forget to do it anyway. To achieve this perfectly is not thinking about it at all and then when you finally get to KYA after the hectic preparation, you come to realize around 11:00 that all of the academy kids at KYA chilling in the hallway are scrambling to finish their blogs. To perfect the art of forgetting, you must temporarily repress those thoughts of actually doing the blog until about 11:45. It should get to the point where you are sitting in the corner of your hotel room, on your iPhone using the blogger app to finish your blog with seconds to spare. You know that you really forgot about it when you realize that you need 159 words on the blog and you have to manually count the words. And with two minutes to spare, you must finish the blog with class, as though it was nothing.

How To Be Friends With Aqeel

Aqeel is a rather interesting person. I have known him for approximately three years now, and each day with him is seemingly better than the last. However, it isn't exactly a "piece of cake" to be his friend. Aqeel is an interesting individual, as he as he has the appearance of a rather quiet, well mannered person when in reality he is incredibly demanding. In order to be his friend you must complete three steps. First and foremost, you must ensure that you maintain a level of dignity when around Aqeel. You cannot allow his strong demeanor to get to you at any point. In addition, you must always be willing to sacrifice. Aqeel has many needs and requires a constant level of attention. Satisfying him should be your first priority, if you so wish to be his friend. Finally, is losing your self confidence. Aqeel has a way stealing a person's confidence just by staring at them. Unless you are willing to lose all of your self respect, honestly, dont bother even considering being his friend.

How to Stay Up Late at Night

Are you always the first on out at sleepovers? Tired of all those pranks? That will all change now. For some reason, I find it much easier to stay awake during the night hours than the bright sunny hours of the day. Here are the some quick easy steps to maximize your nighttime activity.

1. Sleep in past noon, or take a long midday nap the day of the sleepover. If you already slept to our heart's content, there will be an internal resistance to additional unnecessary sleep.

2. Avoid any rigorous or fatiguing activity during the day, such as exercise or working on homework. Staying awake works best when you have extra unused energy.

3. Caffeine and sugar really do work. These will often keep you up for an extra hour or so, depending on how you react to them. Stock up on the sodas and candy!

4. Use a computer. The light from the screen keeps your eyes wide open. Television is not suggested because a computer requires human interaction every few moments (unless it is for video games).

5. Do not make a lot of noise. This may cause the parental units to awaken and cut your all-nighter short.

How to play the guitar...and not suck

ok, i know what many of you may be thinking: ANYONE can play guitar. well, thats very true, and a lot of people do, including myself. however, this is what i have discovered: 99.8 percent of people can play the instrument. 0.1 percent can play it extraordinarily well. the other 0.1 percent have no musical talent at all.
there are three things you need to remember to melt faces and rock the house with your guitar. they are as follows
1:POWER CHORDS. its pretty easy. just hit two the two lowest strings next to each other with any finger arrangement, and you sound better than you actually are. power chords are like McDonalds burgers: you know its a load of crap, but people like them anyway.
2:STAGE PRESENCE. have you ever seen someone play guitar, but they just stand there and do nothing? it doesnt mean theyre bad, but they can be better. make faces, jump around, power slide, whatever it is you do, youll go from "theyre really good" to "HOLY CRAP THAT WAS AWESOME" (assuming you look good doing it :P)
and 3: PLAY NOTES RIGHT. i die a little inside everytime i hear a person attempt a well known solo and they crash and burn. so very simply, learn how to play the song RIGHT. otherwise, dont attempt to play Michael Jacksons "Beat It" and play only eight note triplets when really its 32nd note hammer ons and arpeggios. or any other song for that matter.

ill end this post with my Dads number one piece of advice: "Dont Suck."

How to not finish your work...

Something some of you guys are familiar with is the incompletion of homework. Laying around and attempting to scramble things together at the last minute. I've gained a lot of experience in this department over my years. Just kidding. Those of you who know me well, know that this does not actually represent me at all, and I am a wonderful student and that I LOVE learning and working hard. But anyways, here's what you want to do.

Step 1: Do nothing and waste your entire day. Some might suggest sleeping, or playing MW3 for hours on end to forget about your homework, maybe even a blog. Just do something that is completely unproductive.

Step 2: Suddenly "remember" that you have something due and procrastinate longer. Get to your computer and spend an hour on Facebook, ESPN, or iTunes. But don't get on Twitter whatever you do because Twitter is unspeakably horrible. Once again don't do anything educational just yet.

Step 3: This is the part where you want to sta

This is what happens when you have long hair...

How to... Braid hair:

As any of the girls on the soccer team could tell you, I can braid hair. Before every game I would braid my and one or two other girls' hair. There are lots of different types of braids: regular, French, fish tail, and my personal specialty the "Dutch" braid which is really a backwards French braid.

1. Start with a small section of hair

2. Divide it into three equal sections

3. Take the middle section and pull it over the section to the right.

4. Take what is now the middle section and pull it over the section to the left of it.

5. Take what is now the middle section again, but this time gather more hair from outside the three sections and with the middle section, pull it over the right one.

6. Repeat step 5, alternating left and right continuously until all your hair is in one of the three sections.
7. Continue the braid without gathering hair until all the hair is braided.
8. Tie a hairband on the end

Now you know how to make a backwards French braid.

how to swag

just kidding on that one, this ones on how to fake a blog assignment. so, i guess, how to swag isn't too far off the mark. but before we start, i wanted to comment that apparently iv already made a post called "how to (reach) limbo for dummies, carpet burn, and the masons" so i actually considered writing that as a how to. just couldn't figure out how.
1.swag
2.swag again
3.waist your weekend and do homework on sunday
4.spell "waste" as "waist" on step 3, because you can
5.scroll until you see the prompt
6.sit back and think about a unique way to approach the issue.
7.occasionally, as i did here, you wont be able to think of anything truly unique (check my last post for examples)
8.if step 7 is true of your current situation, cry and curse your life.
9.ignore step 8
10.find a classic concept (the how to b.s.(bovinum stercus) an essay essay) and infuse it with your own personality (randomness, ranting, swag)
11.pray other people Enjoi reading it the way you did writing it.
12.hit the "publish post" button

How to Drink Water.

In order for you to become fluent in the art of fluids, you must first become the fluid. Look to your inner eye. See the fluid. Hear the fluid. Resist the urge to pee after hearing the fluid. Become the fluid. No, Not the fluid you want to excrete. The fluid you wish to drink. Open your eyes. What fluid did you see? Good. Now we must actually find something to drink.

You'll first need some water. There are many places where you can find water. For example, you can find water in the tap in your house. You can find water in the pond at your local park. You can find water inside a cactus. You can find water essentially anywhere you can find water. Once you find the water, move onto step two.

For the second step, drink the water. Did I really need to explain that to you?

And then ya done.

How to Make Cupcakes

As most of you know, I enjoy the fine art of baking. Now, I know I am not a pro, but I do have some skill in this area. So today I will teach you how to make cupcakes. Many people believe that the most important part of making cupcakes - or any type of food for that matter - is having the best ingredients possible. And while I do agree that high quality ingredients make a difference, I have found through much trial and error that the most important aspect of baking or cooking is to follow the directions exactly as they are written. Also, do not read the directions as you are going along. This will most likely lead to mistakes. You should always read the directions and gather your needed ingredients and utensils before starting. This will cut down on the time that you spend running around and looking for things that you can not find.

How to Distract Yourself

Everyone knows that you can’t distract yourself if your only intention is to distract yourself. If you’re thinking about not thinking about something, it won’t work. Therefore, stop trying to distract yourself. Let it happen naturally.

This natural progression from that state of mind to another should happen rather slowly, but in order to assist yourself in your efforts of distractions, you might want to surround yourself in things that you need to do. For example, if it’s near finals week, go ahead and reread your notes or skim your books. Get ready for it. Or… do your homework. Just be productive.

If that doesn’t work, find someone you trust and talk to them. Just tell them what’s on your mind, or tell them not to talk about what’s going on. If a friend or family member is not available, once again, find something else to do- listen to music, read a book, play a game, or- even though this sounds childish- color. You’ll be paying too much attention to picking the right color or getting the colors inside the lines to focus on your problems.

Hopefully those ideas should allow you to distract yourself. If not, though, you’ll have to let things continue in their natural progression. Work everything out by thinking it through.

How to Catch Your Breath in Ten Minutes or Less

It's junior year, so why deny the insanity that forms the foundation of our daily lives?  We sleep little.  We do do do do do do do do.  By this point, we've also probably realized that we can "do" more effectively with a sane mind and balanced stress levels.  So here's the question: how do we keep up with our lives while chilling out concurrently?

Follow these steps to sanity:

1. Turn on some music.  Pick music that soothes you and makes you feel comfortable.  (Not the time for scream-o by heavy metal friend).  I tend to gravitate towards "Salvation Song" by the Avetts.  If you're a podcast kind of person, pop on your Mugglecast, How Stuff Works, or Great Speeches in History - but only as background.

2. Put away that phone.  Turn the ringer on silent.  Do not look at it.  I pinky promise that the world will survive without you for ten minutes. 

3. Find something physical to do.  Lying still should only occur while you're sleeping.  It's no fun to waste your time trying not to move; you'll just end up fidgeting.  I like to stretch, do yoga, play with Play-do, braid things, color, squish stuff, do some easy cooking.  Just do something small so as to keep your body occupied.

4. Finally, keep in mind that the HOW you do something to relax is more important than the WHAT you do.  For your meazley ten minutes breathe slowly, deeply, and regularly.  Whatever task you're doing, act delibrately and slowly.  Boil over with intention.  If you focus on the task at hand, you won't think about anything else.

I promise that a nervous breakdown never did anyone any good.  Besides, spending ten proactive minutes relaxing could save upwards of 45 reactive minutes in tears. 

So breate, enjoy, and check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMgmL4mUGaw

how to... play scrabble

The point of scrabble is to make words to get more points than other people by making words. This sounds simple but there is extreme amounts of strategy that goes into it.
1. if you get the first move, play from the left or top to the center peice. This spreads the game out and stops a cluster of letters in the lower right hand corner. Because you can only play down and left, oftentimes beginners make this mistake and have a boring game.
2. Use the double words immediately surrounding the center to get high points off the start and also make use of the triple letters. Only use higher valued letters such as k or j when using triple letters, anything else is a waste of the space. However, if you feel your opponent is trying to get to these bonuses, then block them by playing a c or such next to it.
3. Play small words that you can play off of, such as "we", because you can then use an "o" or "a" in front of it and make awe or owe and then also play another word perpendicular to it. Other uses of small words are words such as "ox" that you can play on a triple letter, if you can play these two ways, you get the triple letter twice and it can soon be forth 40+ points.
4. If you are somehow losing, or getting unlucky, flood the board. By this I mean play in any open area and leave open several double and triple words open, this isn't a fool proof method, but when down by 30 or more points, its the only option. You can play off of the bonuses that the other person can't utilize.
5. When you have a large lead, close the board by using x, q, or c to stop the enemy from playing off of it. This is an extremely effective strategy as long as you can maintain your lead

In the Christmas spirit... Cookies!

So, not going to lie, I'd have to say I make one fabulous sugar cookie. They're sugary but not too sweet, buttery, soft, and super yummy. They also make a perfect complement for homemade icing, sprinkles, and, fun shapes - or all three!

First, I take unsalted butter and beat it in a mixer with some sugar until its fluffy and light yellow. Then I add an egg, some baking powder, salt, and vanilla and beat until it's totally combined. Finally, I gradually add the flour bit by bit until it is stiff and workable (it's also incredibly delicious). After that, I divide the dough in half, roll them between parchment paper, and pop them in the refrigerator for about 20 minutes.

While I'm waiting, I preheat the oven and grease the cookie sheets. When the 20 minutes is up - and I've got all my cookie cutters ready - I take out the first sheet and start cutting away. When I have used as much as the dough as possible, I put them all on a cookie sheet and cook them for about 7 minutes. While they are cooking, I roll up the remaining dough, flatten it between the parchment paper, and put it back in the fridge. I do the same thing until all the dough is gone, and I have tons of yummy cookies.

When they are cooled, I generally use milk and powered sugar to make a simple icing (or - if I'm feeling creative - do a cream cheese or peanut butter) and make about 50 colors, using every bowl, and cup in my house. Then, I get cracking. I do the base coat by spreading with a knife, but add the details with icing piped through a Ziploc bag (with a hole in one corner).

When they are all done, I eat a lot of them and then give them away to my family and friends. Then I try to figure out a way I don't have to clean the kitchen (but it generally doesn't work).

Assignment 13: How to...

Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade?
--Benjamin Franklin

Ben makes a good point. For this week, put your gifts and skills on display by developing a "how-to."Choose something that you have a level of expertise in and explain step by step how it is done.

No repeats though! If two people are both really talented at making ice and one beats the other to the post on "How to make ice..." then, second person - you need to reflect upon your other talents.

So, stop standing in the shade and astound us!

Minimum of 150 words - due Sunday, November 20 at 11:59 pm

Bed

I am a bed. My life is fairly simple, as inanimate objects go. I don’t move, and I serve only one primary purpose. Throughout most of the day, I am vacant and unoccupied. I just sit here, being a bed. Sometimes the cats or the dog will come in and walk around on me. Sometimes, they’ll even leave the owners a little…..present for when they get home. Other than that, I’m not really worth much until about midnight, when my human gets the most use out of me. And it is at this point in the day (or night) when the bed reigns supreme. It is at these times when I am the single most important thing in the life of a person. I am the thing which the person has been looking forward to all day. All this person wants is somewhere soft and warm to sleep. I suppose they could use the couch, but no one cares about the couch. Well, here comes my human. Time to get to work.

my best friend cell phone

Hi. I am Victoria's phone. She likes to use me a lot. She rarely calls anyone, she usually just texts people. It feels really funny when she types anything because she just pokes me over and over again; it actually kind of tickles. Victoria drops me on the ground a lot. It makes me sad. But it's okay because she put a case on me that protects me a little bit. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts, but the case helps. I don't like going to school with Victoria. She takes me into classrooms that don't have any service so I have to keep searching and searching which wastes energy. Every time she takes me to school I almost die before the school day is over! All of that is okay though because I get to see all of the things she talks about and all of the people she stalks on facebook and twitter. It's a good thing I can't talk because I have so much blackmail on her!

USE ME, GOSH DARN IT

I AM THE CAPS LOCK KEY. I FEEL VERY UNDER-APPRECIATED AND UNDER-USED, TO BE HONEST. PEOPLE DON'T REALLY LIKE TO USE ME FOR MORE THAN A WORD OR TWO, AND I FIND THAT VERY OFFENSIVE. I'M A REGULAR OLD KEY JUST LIKE ALL OF THE OTHERS, BUT WHENEVER I END UP BEING PRESSED IT'S USUALLY ON ACCIDENT, I AND I JUST GET TURNED BACK OFF RIGHT AWAY. THAT'S JUST RUDE. PEOPLE DON'T LIKE TO USE ME BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM SEEM LIKE THEY'RE SCREAMING WHEN THEY TYPE WITH ME, BUT I DISAGREE. IT MAKES YOU SOUND MORE CONFIDENT, NOT MAD. PEOPLE JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE TRUE BEAUTY OF TYPING IN ALL CAPS. I JUST FEEL SO DISRESPECTED BY EVERYONE. EVEN THE KEYBOARD MANUFACTURERS DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT FOR ME TO MAKE MY BUTTON'S WORDS IN ALL CAPS. YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD HAVE ENOUGH SENSE TO DO THAT. ANOTHER THING PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE IS THAT OUR LIVES WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT ME. I'VE SURE AS HECK HELPED PROVE A FEW POINTS, AS I AM A CONFIDENCE BOOSTER. PEOPLE ARE INTIMIDATED BY THE CONFIDENCE I GIVE YOU. THE WORLD NEEDS MORE CAPS. THE WORLD NEEDS ME. USE ME.

The life of a tv

Oh the hard life a television such as myself has. Sure I see a lot of movies and shows but I also have been given a bad reputation. A lot of parents blame me for making their children stupid. But I really don't think it's my fault, I just project the picture I don't make the show. It's not my fault you let your children watch stupid shows. I also get yelled at a lot if I don't work but once again this isn't really my fault. Most of the time it's your satellite or cable or whatever it is you use that makes me not work, I really can't help it. But nobody seems to understand that I always get the blame no matter what and after a while I get tired of it. It's not always my fault! Other than being yelled at my life isn't too rough. Except that whoever usually watches me has her favorite things to watch and if Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings is in then I have to watch. Other than that though there is a lot of entertainment in my life when I'm being used.

Apple-ness

From the view of… an apple.

Sitting on this tree branch, I have so much potential. A few of my brothers and sisters have little bad spots already, but I don't have a single one. I just know soon someone will pick me and make me into something delicious. I mean I'm delicious all by myself, of course. My red skin and yellow insides are the perfect fruity combination. However, I'm more ambitious than the average apple. I have hopes and dreams of what I will one day become. I'm looking for a job in baking. What I really want to become is part of an apple pie. All the humans will love me. Maybe I’ll even be the featured dessert for a Thanksgiving celebration! My father was lucky enough to be made into a cake. That's where he met my mother. Being in a cake is great, it's still a tasty dessert, but I just really want to become a pie. It is the highest position that any simple fruit can aspire to. Ah, it appears I am being picked now... Off I go into the great unknown!

Computer

There are about seven hours when I'm not being touched. At 11:00 PM, they usually finish up their work and finally decide to put me into sleep mode. Nothing better than sleep mode. Nothing worse than that guy. And by that guy, I mean that lard who decides to spill his coffee on my keyboard. I'm almost certain there exists such a thing as a table for you to put your coffee on. The audacity. Oh, and another thing: If you spill something on my keyboard, PLEASE feel free to use a moist toilette and wipe up your mess. Glad we're on the same page (no pun intended.) Enough about the things I loathe. Want to hear a computer joke? That's not even a question, because I can clearly see you want to hear one with my 5 megapixel camera. What's worse than AOL? Nothing. Yeah, I always get a good chuckle out of that one. Listen, I'm not going to beat around the bush anymore. I'm pretty nervous. Those nerves. Got those "cold feet". I'm actually getting my hard-drive replaced here in a week. I can't stand looking in the mirror and not having a sizable hard-drive. Especially since the Apple down on floor 5-B is sitting pretty with that 512 GB solid state. Which brings me to another computer joke. This ones for the Apple down on floor 5-B. What did Steve Jobs tombstone read? iDead. Too Soon? Too soon.

Run Faster, Macy!

So my partner's sister, she's got this saying, see?  Towards the end of races, you know, she, uh, uh, she like to yell out, ehm, "Run fast-faster, Macy!"  And I, well, I think that makes pretty good se-sense, see what I mean?  It's that, just, that I've run with her the whole time.  For, like, for months.  All season.  I've made her feet, well, her feet feel o-o-okay for dozens of workouts.  And now, now it's her turn.  Sh-she's gotta work for me.  I can-can't win without her.  And, boy, have, uhm, have week worked hard.  So I give her a little, well, a little extra spring on that last-last lap.  And we kick it together, you know?  We pu-push and fi-ight because we, well, we know how long we've been training.

But the ra-race isn't the end of it.  I love to, uhm, to run on those long runs.  I get to, well, I get to see the world.  And if, if we walk in mud, we get to leave our print for-for the world.  We-we get to see all the world using ou-our feet.  Sorry to st-stutter.  Today's an off day for running, uhm, because of the race yesterday.  So I'm, well, I'm a little jittery.  But you-you know that when she starts running again, sh-she'll be full of energy too.  And, and we'll just hit the road.  We'll, well, we'll fly across the streets of Lexingt-ton and enjoy the change of season.  I'll crunch, uhm, crunch the leaves and feel so free...

WJPT

It is Sunday, October 13th, 2011...and I wake up just as I do every other day of the year. Well, minus the few times I wake up on the floor. My name is William, but I go by Willie or WJPT. I am the stuffed dog that lives in Hannah's bed, as I have for quite some time now. Most mornings I wake up under the sheets, stuffed down at the foot of the bed. After we wake up, Hannah gets ready for school and I explore the new things in her room. Most of the time there is nothing special but sometimes she gets magazines and presents and leaves them on the floor for me to find! Every day I wear the same striped polo from Build-A-Bear that I have been wearing for my whole life - I should probably find a way to get it washed. While Hannah and Kendra are at school I like to roam around the house and entertain myself with all the fun thing I find; last week I found a very entertaining game called Just Dance. When the parents are home I have to stay in Hannah's room, but overall my life is pretty fun.

Pocket Spittoon

The chair, the toothbrush, the sock; they all think they have it rough. Try having someone use you as just another dip spit container everyday. Does that sound fun? If you answered yes, then I'll trade you lives ASAP. I'll take getting sat on over spat on anyday; chair. Not to mention I never even get the slightest glance at a clock; pillow. Sweat? No problem! Here sock, I'll spit all over you and you sweat on me and see who enjoys it less. Some of you might say, well at least you look good. Yeah I look good, on the outside. In the inside I'm just dark and cold. Some say I'm the metaphor of the ex-wife. . Maybe someday these humans will create the technology to eliminate saliva. But until then, you can find me in just another dirty human's pocket, full of spit.

The Pencil

I am the yellow pencil, the greatest of all writing utensils. A few weeks ago, Billy had a huge test, and I needed to be in tip top shape for it. The night before, while he was sleeping, I made a few preparations.

First, I trimmed my single toe nail to a sharp point. Dull nails are just he worst when it comes to writing long essays. I hid the shavings at the bottom of his backpack, where all the other trash goes anyways. Next, I went over to the computer room to get a new hairdo. I needed to amp up the volume, and Billy's mom just bought a huge pack of these colorful wigs that just snap right on.

Test day came, and I was ready to go. The test was 4th hour, but after 3rd hour, Billy forgot me on the table! He was about to go into a test without a pencil! I had to get back to him. I rolled down the stairs to his class, sustaining several cracks in the process. A huge shoe stepped on me and fractured my spine, barely leaving me in one piece. At last I rolled into the testing room. I had made it back to Billy.

What I saw broke my number 2 heart. Billy was holding a newer, better mechanical pencil. I had been replaced. My life was no longer meaningful. I had no other options. I threw myself into the garbage can, never to be used again.

Pillow

The life of a pillow is not an easy one. Every day is a different one, each with horrors of their own. Some days I sit helplessly on the bed, watching the contents of the room, still. Sometimes I do not face the clock, so minutes feel like hours and I drive myself crazy with thoughts of anxiety. And so I sit, half of the time, facing the room miserably, yet enjoying the daylight I have left until he walks into the room, yawning, and presses his atrocious face against mine for the night. Believe it or not, the other days are worse. He judges me. Whenever I'm not "cool" enough for him, he flips me over like an object and leaves me to suffocate against the blackness. The worst is when he leaves me like this. On those days, not only do I drive myself crazy with the stillness of the room, I am left to only imagine what the rooms looks like, left alone with my own thoughts, and having only the possibility of a face-up night when the he sleeps elsewhere to look forward to.

The Sock

Each and every day, I’m either on someone’s foot or being washed. There’s no middle ground. Who really wants to be in either position? Feet stink. Washers… those hurt. Water and soap- you can’t breathe. Just last week, they forgot to put the color sheets in the wash. The bright colors that I had before have departed. It was very upsetting. The dryer isn’t much better. I’ve been pounded against the inside of that dryer so many times that I’ve started to get holes. The other sock, my match, was lost during the drying cycle, which is why they gave me to the dog. Why? They could’ve found another sock without a match for me… This is wrong. Is it because they don’t appreciate me anymore? What have I ever done to them? I’ve been through this trauma for years. I used to hate being stuck in their shoes- it was so dark, but now I would just prefer to be useful.

Brave little toothbrush

Admittedly, toothbrushes are not my favorite inanimate object. I just thought It would be comical do to a toothbrushes point of view on its "life". My favorite inanimate object is probably my trumpet.

This morning I went through the horror once again. It comes every day, twice a day, 6 a.m. and 11p.m. He comes in, and spills this juice all over me. And then it gets really bad. He takes my head, and practically shoves me down his throat. He jams my face against his teeth, and all the crap on them gets stuck to my face. MY FACE! It's disgusting. And in another few hours he will come back, and do the same thing. Again. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. It's wearing my bristles out. I just hope to whoever is there watching, that I don't and up like Steve. When he was done with Steve, he used him on Washington! And there was nothing Wash could to do help. It bad enough for poor Wash with all the fecal matter, but killing his own inside him is just too far. I can't believe the life I've had to live with this. But in the end, I don't know what else I could do.

Priceless

You know what I think is really funny? I am a lowly printer, but of course, I find little ways to make life exciting. Such as when my master uses the "fast draft" setting to save ink. It's hilarious to make the papers shoot out so fast they fly all over the room. The most entertaining part - other than the look on her face - is to watch her scramble to pick all the papers up, and get them back in order. Now that's a knee-slapper! Something else extremely satisfactory is to see the forlorn and lost looks on the master's face when I decide to stop working. I am a dilligent worker too, shouldn't I get a break? And no, those 7 hours while she's at school doesn't count. She can't live without me; how pathetic. Every once in a while, when the master thinks everything is fine and dandy, I like to give her a little jolt - remind her who's really in change here. I make every noise I possibly can in revolt: I shake, I hiss, I rattle, I beep, and I put up the "printer preparations; do not interrupt" sign. That look on her face... It's priceless.

wub. wubbbitty wub wub

WubWubWubWubWubWubWubWubWubWubWubWubWub WubWubWubwubwubwubwubwubwubwubwubwubwubwub.
Translation: Thou dost not understand how intricate the existence of a speaker happens to be. i am, personally, of the 24th inch order, knight of the round subwoofer. it is my humblest duty to vanquish the dragons that are grainy bass and hollow music. I weild the enchanted sword of phat-crunk-club beats and the magical sheild of dubstep. in my kingdom we live by a simple motto: custodiunt Mauris magna et bassus usque deorsum. that is, for those peasants not educated in the noblest language of latin, keep the music loud and the bass down low. i dream of infantry, i wish to be built into the set up of a classic rag-top cadillac with a purple and green paintjob, the colors of my family crest, and solid platinum rims. i dream to bring glory to our holy king, Beatbox by Dre, and vanquish all bass based heresies through all hoods. from the bronx too eastside lexington.

The Chair

Being a chair is horrible. People always sit on me. I get sat on everyday by fat people. Nobody ever thanks me for being a chair and doing my job. Also, People move me around the floor constantly when they are sitting on me. Everyone expects a chair to be perfect. But the second my legs are uneven or if I creak, people suddenly hate me. They try to replace me or switch chairs and give me to other people. Its not my fault that my legs aren't always perfect after suffering for three months with your overweight body on me. Its highly insulting when people switch me out with a new chair or a different colored chair. After all I do for people, they simply use me and treat me like I dont have feelings. One day I'll break on someone and I'll get my revenge when they fall on the ground.

Assignment 12:Brave Little Toasters

In Toy Story, the inanimate comes to life and engages in more exciting adventures than most people have. In the Brave Little Toaster, a toaster gathers together enough strength and courage to fight off the most ferocious household objects.

And Marcel...well Marcel the Shell can't do much at all, but he attempts to make the most out of his small world.

This week, choose your favorite inanimate item and describe a day/moment/adventure in their life. Imagine their point of view and how they would see the world.

Minimum of 150 words - due Sunday, November 13 at 11:59 pm

Zombies

If there were a Zombie Apocalypse, there would be three key ingredients to survival: food, water, and shelter from zombies. The best zombie survival plans incorporate these three in a fashion to be sustained as long as possible, in order to live long enough for a global solution to be reached. Many would turn to grocery stores or their own homes, locking themselves in with food and water, and doing their best to keep zombies away. This is not a good plan, however, because there is a limited amount of food and the only thing separating you from the zombies would be a few walls. A better plan would involve much greater of an obstacle, such as the ocean. Given the circumstances of an apocalypse, I would be doing my best to find refuge on an island, perhaps taking a boat with other intelligent survivors to an island where the zombie infection/virus is nonexistent. This would only work, however, if the people on the island began to farm. A sustainable food supply would allow the survivors to be independent, and have enough food to outlast the zombies. The major risk of this plan is that the zombie infection/virus be spread to the island, through any means. This would be much more dangerous that a zombie outbreak on mainland, as you would have nowhere to run. If executed properly, however, taking refuge on an island would by far be the best plan in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

Fears

One of my biggest fears would have to be spiders. It is a completely irrational fear, but for me spiders are terrifying. There have been times when I have been riding in the car with my dad and one has creeped up close to me and I make him pull the car over and kill it. I think that may be one of the things that creeps me out the most about them, the fact that you never notice them until they are incredibly close or even on you. I have gotten braver though, I killed one with the umbrella in my car just a few weeks ago and I was pretty darn proud of myself. I must say that i was not too excited when you first told us you kept your pet spider Dorthy in the class. But since I never see her and shes in a case, I guess I am ok with it. Another fear that I used to have when I was little was of somebody breaking into my house. I think i got this fear from happening upon my parents watching scary movies when I was young, like one time I walked into the living room while my mom was watching Silence of the Lambs and that scarred me for life. But I outgrew this fear because I live like in the middle of nowhere and my house is pretty safe. But I dont know what can get me over my fear of spiders.

Fear

Death is a natural part of life. Everything that is born will eventually die. As much as we might not want to think about it, it is nonetheless true. That being said, people can do certain things which can make them “immortal”. That is, they and the effects of their actions are felt long after they die. My greatest fear is not death on its own, but death in obscurity. Dying and no one caring. Dying without contributing to anything in any way. Now I realize that not all of us can be Napoleon or Caesar, who leave grand legacies and will be remembered as long as there are people around to remember them. However, I don’t want to be one of those people who was remembered (or rather not remembered) as merely an average, minimum-wage, waste of human life. I just want to die and feel like I contributed something, even if it was something small.

Zombie Attack Plan

In the case of a zombie attack many people, like many video games today would resort to the idea of taking as many weapons as they can and killing as many zombies as they can. This idea is stupid because no matter how many you zombies you kill more would keep popping up all around you and you would eventually not have the energy to keep constantly killing zombies and as a result your brain would be eaten. The solution to surviving a zombie apocalypse does not involve some crazy plan or brains or strength it just requires some common sense. If you were a zombie and you were longing for that taste of fresh human brain, who would you go after? You would go after the people who have yet to been attacked and look like they have the must juicy and healthy brain. The type of person that a zombie would never go after would be another fellow zombie, for their lack of a healthy and juicy brain. And this in itself is the answer on how to survive a zombie attack. In the case of a pack of zombies coming upon you trying to eat your brains out, then you simply must go to your back yard or nearest plant, cover your face and hair in dirt, rip up your clothes and act like a brainless zombie. When the zombies see that you have already had your prized brain taken from you they will turn around and go the other way in search of other human brains. One of the most important things that you must remember when carrying out this plan is not to approach or try to talk with any other humans because it is more then likely that your zombie acting skills are so professional that they will believe you are an actual zombie and blow your brains out. So to put it simply act like a zombie and avoid humans until all of the stupid people killing zombies have killed them all and then you are safe.

A bit of an odd one

My biggest fear that I can think of (mind you, I'm scared of a lot of things) is flying over the ocean. Weird huh? Still understandable though, I hope. The troubling part of this is that I love travelling. Travelling around the world is on my to-do list, so this is a minor set-back. I usually love flying, but as soon as we start to head over the ocean, it's sort of petrifying. The idea of crashing into the sea and being stranded there is just terrifying to me. Something that might have a bit to do with it is that I'm not the best swimmer. So you could imagine how it would frighten me to crash into an ocean I can't even swim in. Sure, there are those little floaty thingys that they say your seat turns into, but I'd probably be having a heart attack before I could pull that out. When I do have to fly over the ocean (because apparently they haven't built roads across the ocean yet? Crazy) I end up either sleeping the whole time, waking up every now and then only to find out it isn't over yet, or watching movies to take my mind off of it. The latter doesn't always work...this summer I had a flight from Tokyo to Detroit, and the plane didn't even have the little TV's. It was so disappointing.

Thanatophobia... Slowly

My biggest fear isn't snakes or spiders or the dark. It's the fear of dying... Slowly. I'm not afraid of death in and of itself. I believe there is a God and a heaven, and I hope to live a life good enough to pass the pearly gates. However, the process of dying is what scares me.

I don't want to die lying in bed for days waiting to pass as my body eats itself and I can't do anything about it. This summer I watched both my and my friend's grandmothers die that way. I would much rather die quickly; shooting, car crash, I don't know. Whatever it is, I want it to be over and done with fast.

Don't get me wrong though, I love my life and I certainly don't want it to end in the near future. But once I get to my mid 80's or so, I don't want to die of cancer or that sort of thing. I would never ever ever take my own life or ask someone else to do it for me, but I really don't want to die a slow and painful death.

Mysophobia, Entomophobia, Automatonophobia

Unfortunately, most of my fears don’t actually have a name for them. I couldn’t actually find a name for my fear of crickets, or my fear of those awful brown beetles that somehow make their way into my house during the summer. They just cling to you-I can’t deal with that- or crickets hopping onto my feet or wherever. It’s too much. Other than the crickets and beetles (because I’m already starting to get the feeling that they’re all over me), I also have a fear of heights, especially in those cases when I could easily plummet to my death. I can’t even jump off of the back of the bus. As soon as I look down, it just seems like a longer fall than it would if I was just watching. Another fear I have, even though this one is a situational fear, is my fear of wax figures, or ventriloquists’ dummies, and other strange things that could look like people. After watching Dead Silence and having some other weird encounters, I have a firm belief that I could never get near anything like that ever again. My other, more common fear, which could easily be an actual phobia, is my fear of germs. I carry around so many bottles of hand sanitizer all the time; I don’t know what I would do without them. I don’t touch doorknobs without cleaning my hands after, and I can be a little obsessive about it. I just don’t like being sick, which is fairly rational, in my opinion.

The Spider.

What scares me the most? I'll tell you what, those spiders. They have no regard for personal space, always hiding in your shoes, and your bathrooms. Some spiders will even kill you when they bite you, if thats not something to have a fear of, then you might as well not have fear. These eight-legged fiends are not what you want to find when you walk into the bathroom in the morning. Nothing worse than starting out the day engaged in combat with a spider for fifteen minutes, chasing it around, trying to kill it while at the same time, trying to avoid being bit. Like I said, they can kill you. I'm not an arachnophobe, but I, like millions of other people, do not like spiders. They come in all shapes and sized. The harry tarantula is a commonly feared one, but the small brown recluse spiders are worst. They are smaller than a penny, and one of the deadliest spiders. You can get bit by these things in your attic and not even see them. Remember that when your getting out your Christmas decorations. :)

Heliophobia

Ever since I was 7, I have been a heliophobic. The sun is just an evil thing, I don't even like to think about it. When I was just a wee little boy at the age of 7, I fell asleep outdie and was scorched with 3rd-degree burns all over my body. It was this horrific incident where I learned that the son was a gift from the devil and is out to get us. Nowadays, I like to sit inside of my darkcloset and play Monopoly against myself while the evil secretly attacks another innocent human being. If I should ever be forced to go outside under the presence of the eveil, I have created a full body suit that blends in with my surroundings so I can sneak past this evil and to safety. Some people might say that I'm just being ridiculous and the sun (OW! IT HURTS TO EVEN SAY IT!) is beautiful. These are the people in which the evil has already gotten to and brainwashed them to support it and its evil ways. But not me, I know of the capability of the evil, and will probably never be able to get past this horrendousness.

Zombehs

For a zombie apocalypse, several steps are necessary. To survive, you'll of course need the few basic things; aka food, clothing, shelter and the like. However, you will more than likely need weapons, and a secure isolated location for shelter, unlike the shelter of the good old days where we slept in caves.

In order to survive one needs food. Your location should be a place where you can secure food easily, as well as have a large supply of non-perishable foods in storage.

Clothing should be brought with you to your safe house. If you need more make it of the scraps left on the bodies of the undead.

Shelter is really a personal opinion. A while ago when my friends and I came up with our own zombie apocalypse plan, we determined the the most plausible location in which we can secure a "base" is on a large oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico. However, any other isolated location is a good idea as well. for example, the far north/south where the bodies of the undead would simply freeze would also work, however you might end up with the same fate.

The only real problem left is your weaponry. One should have a minimum of three weapons. These include a melee weapon, a handgun of some sorts, and a rifle of some sorts. One should also carry a small blade with them, for varying purposes.

My personal choices are as follows:

1. A Cold Steel "Hand and a Half" sword. One can find this at this website http://www.coldsteel.com/handandahalf.html. Weighing only three pounds, it is light enough to carry but packs enough of a punch to slice strait through those nasty undead.

2. An M9 pistol. Being a military standard, once I run out of my barrels and barrels of ammo, I'm sure more won't be to hard to find.

3. An ACR. Also known by its full name, the Adaptive Combat Rifle, this gun can be a full automatic machine gun, a semi-automatic sub-machine gun, or a rifle for long distance shots. It's versatility would be undoubtedly useful in this scenario. Although I'm not sure, I believe this is also to become a military standard in the next few years, so ammo will be about for me to scavenge as well.

All of these few basic things sum up the gist of my zombie apocalypse survival plan. I can't give you all the details, otherwise you might tell your eventual zombie friends where I am! Good luck on your own, cause I'll be living it up.

Chilopodophobia

Centipedes are the one of the nastiest creature on the face of the planet. Most things with more than four legs creep me out (except for the tiny harmless ant), but centipedes are king when it comes to the most disgusting arthropods.

This fear mostly stems from what happens if the foul beasts latches onto a part of my body. An ant on an arm only causes a small tingling sensation, almost like an itch. A centipede can be up to 12 inches of pure grotesqueness. It's slimy touch causes pure spasm. Just the thought of a centipede crawling all of over my body gives me chills. They also have pairs of long legs that sprout from every segment of its body. Tentacle like appendages enables them to transport its body of vile filth extremely quickly, hence increasing the changes of human-to-pede contact. This also ranks them as scarier than millipedes, which have two pairs of tiny legs per body segment. Millipedes do not move nearly as fast.

But most importantly, centipedes are difficult to dispose of. I suppose your daddy using a spray can of bug eliminator or calling in the SWAT team would do the trick, but if you find one in your bathroom when you're alone at your house, you're on your own. The centipede is simply too big to squash under a napkin. You're bound to see it's guts or worse, only get its tail. A paper towel is bigger, but you'll undoubtedly feel the smushing and possibly the wrenching of the bug's final seconds. Simple killing requires the use of 20-30 sheets of paper towel. Also, the bug sports lighting quick agility, making the probability of a miss extremely high. In this case, you have just decreased the distance the centipede needs to attack your hand. One-on-one, you're helpless against the centipede.

Pyrophobia

Hi, my name is Victoria Salsman and I am scared of fires. I don't really know why I am afraid of fire, I just kind of always have been. This being said, one of my least favorite holidays is the 4th of July. This isn't because I don't love my country, its merely due to the fact that everyone in the entire United States throws fancy fire in the air. When I was little I was always the little loser kid who had to watch the fireworks from inside the house because I was scared. I've gotten over it a little, but now fireworks just stress me out a whole lot. Also, I absolutely hate storms because I'm scared that lightning is going to strike my house. Sounds a little weird but I've always been scared of storms because of that. In elementary school one of my friend's mom was a nurse in the ER and told us horrific stories of people getting struck my lightning and it entering one hand and coming out the opposite foot. I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty dang scary to me.

A family bike ride

Once upon a time, there was an average little family who decided to spend a day of their Colorado vacation doing a trail bike ride. The first 15 miles was all downhill, literally no pedaling required. This was good because the mom and brother were not especially athletic, so a bus came and picked them up at the bottom of the hill. On the other hand, the dad and daughter were pretty active, so they continued the 9 mile hilly krek back to the bike shop. The weather was great, and it was a really fun bonding time. The father-daugther duo made it about 3 miles away from the shop before it started raining. That didn't really both them; they were both used to running in the rain - so why not bike in it? Well, the two should have taken more precaution because out of no where, hail began falling from the summer sky. The girl and her dad biked many hilly miles through the storm, rain, and hail. They were cold, they were wet, they were tired, and boy were they scared. The pelting hail hurt so badly that the girl wanted to curl up in a ball on the side of the course and wait to die. When the pain became totally unbearable, she got off the bike and started to walk with it. The father, who was a little ahead, saw the girl stopped and came back to check on her. The girl was screaming and crying. The whole time, he had been worrying about getting struck by lightening, but it never occured to him how much he was aching and freezing - until the girl pointed it out. Once he realized this, he knew he had to act fast in order to get out of the storm. They biked off and were never seen again. Some say that when hail comes in the summer, they can still see a screaming and crying girl walking a bike... But when asked if she's okay, she just disappears.

The real ending:

We biked two hilly miles through the storm, rain, and hail. I was cold, I was wet, I was tired, and I was scared! Afterwards, I was exhausted. I took an hour-long shower, too cold to take my clothes off until about half way in. For the next week, my thighs and knuckles were disgusting. They had bruises, bumps, and a general purple-gray color all over. I had never been in a position where I thought I might die, and it scared me so much. Through all the bad, however, I did get an awesome story out of it - and some pretty brutal pictures.