Glorious Sounds

The chirping of birds on a beautiful morning, waves lapping the beach on a warm afternoon, wind rustling the leaves on a glorious autumn day... All of these are pleasant sounds, but the most pleasant sounds of all don't come from the great outdoors. Rather, the most wonderful sounds in the world are heard when a human eats. Smacking, slurping, squishing, no melody could ever top the wonderful sound of the first stage of digestion. The rules of etiquette tell everyone to keep their mouths closed when eating, but why? Why quiet the beautiful squish-chomp-crack-slurpp of an enthusiastic eater?I hope someday to marry a man who never closes his mouth while he chews, who may even talk with his mouth full and spit a little food in my direction. Oh, if only I could be so lucky! Maybe I'll even be fortunate enough to have children that take after my husband's impressive lip-smacking abilities. I can just see it now: all of us sitting down to a quiet dinner, all of them stuffing their mouths and using their fingers, making as much noise as they possibly can and then, just before dessert, licking all the remnants off of their grubby little fingers. Ah, if only if only.